i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
