Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
