What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
