I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
