i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
