If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
