In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
