I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
