i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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