I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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