Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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