last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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