Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
