We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
