Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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