from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
