Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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