she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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