So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
