well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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