saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
