He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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