Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
