I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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