I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
