Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
People in love make me want to vomit
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
