He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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