i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
