i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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