hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
