just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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