I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
