I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
