I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
