i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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