Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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