I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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