I think I died a long time ago.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
