shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
