Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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