Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
