first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
