A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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