You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
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Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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