the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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