just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
