We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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