tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
