A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
this just has baby written all over it
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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