My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
