Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
