Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
