If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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