I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
