covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
