He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
