I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
