and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
it's like iHOP with fire
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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