I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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