Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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