just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
