At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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