I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
