I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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