I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
