I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
