i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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